19 WEEKS

How far along: 19 Weeks 6 Days

Total weight gain:  Down 6 pounds from the amnio and being sick. That's going to change real fast laying here in bed though......My face always gets it first. Blah. I can even wear my pre pregnancy jeans again...for now.

Stretch Marks: None. 

Sleep: Laying in bed all day, then trying to sleep at night is not working well.

Best moment this week: My Birthday and getting to get out of the house one day to go eat.

Miss anything: My work friends, freedom from this bed, my blond hair, sleeping on my stomach, 

Movement: None. How i don't know because if you seen them on the ultrasound every time, you would think i would have to feel them....they are going crazy in there. lol. I read somewhere women who have an anterior placenta cant feel movement until later, which totally makes sense. 

Food cravings: Coke floats

Anything making you sick/queasy: Nope

Labor pains: Nope, i had contractions after surgery but i couldn't feel them. They gave me medicine to calm them. Sometimes i feel strange tensions and wave like things going on.....im not sure what it is....

Wedding ring on or off: On

Belly button in or out: Its looking a little strange these days. Its definitely not out but i think it will be before long. Its red and burns and itches.....and flat out is the worst part so far. Little A is positioned right behind it, so i blame him.   

Mood most of the time: Curious as to whats next and trying to stay positive.

Looking forward to: 3 more weeks....23 weeks when i start my steroid shots to mature the babies lungs for the outside. I will know they have reached viability and have a chance then. Praying for 28-34 weeks though. 

Next appointment: Monday!!! I go weekly and sometimes twice a week!

Any new symptoms: I haven't really had any symptoms. I have been having back pain again though, probably due to me living my life in this bed.

Prego Moment of the week: I haven't really had any but while i was in Houston and obviously much bigger than i am now prior to surgery, i had my first preggo stranger encounter.....she said "are you having a boy?" I said  no, 2 boys....shes like "Ohhhh Myyyy". Lol... I haven't gotten the preggo interrogation yet in Okla..

19 WEEKS +5 AND MOMMYS BIRTHDAY

ME. LOOKIN NOT SO HOT...GETTING MY BLONDE BACK SLOWLY BUT SURELY, SO THATS A PLUS. I CANT WAIT TO BE A BLONDE AGAIN! NEVER MAKE THE DECISION TO DO SOMETHING MAJOR TO YOUR HAIR WHILE YOU ARE PREGGO....IT CHANGES YOUR WAY OF THINKING....LOL.

                                                DADDYS BIRTHDAY GIFTS TO ME =)
           AN OWL TO ADD TO MY COLLECTION (OR MAYBE THE BABYS ROOM)

THE BEST PRESENT OF THEM ALL.....LOL

MAKING BED REST A LITTLE EASIER

I SERIOUSLY CANT BELIEVE HE THOUGHT OF THAT!

Pappadeaux's

Of coarse while we were in Galveston and Houston, We were there for the weekend of Mardi Gras, and they mean business down there.... Houses decorated, parades, concerts.....So if you ever get a chance to eat at a Pappadeaux....i highly suggest it. There are different locations like Dallas and such. We had Boudin, Lobster, Crawfish Etouffee, The bread was amazing, the dessert was amazing and the atmosphere was like something we had never experienced before. I ate and ate and ate.....lol.

Sentenced to Bed Rest

Bed rest would be great........... I can't say, I agree, but I can't speak for everybody, I guess.
Anyone on bed rest has probably experienced the family member or friend who says she or he wishes they'd be sentenced to bed rest for some relaxation. It's mind blowingly strange to say that given the circumstances which normally sends someone to bed rest.
I received my bed rest sentence the second i got out of surgery, i was on modified bed rest prior, and here i am over a week later. One week feels like one month. I pity my dear friends and other ladies that i know that are on bed rest for the remainder of their pregnancy. I know its a must for my incisions to heal and to give the babies a fighting chance.That's the only thing that's keeping me down. It's difficult to have life on-hold with so much uncertainty, especially since I am such a planner.  I can't tell my work when I will leave again, when i will have the babies or what will happen.
I have had visits with my high risk doctor and my normal OBGYN since i have been home, She talked a lot about statistics and survival. It is apparently the parents’ choice if a child should be saved at 24 weeks. After 25 weeks, it is no question, the hospital will do everything they can. Before then, when the stats are not so great, it is up to the parents. I cried. She says it is a tough decision. But not really for us. The babies are part of our family already, we feel so attached and love them so much. They have already been causing quite a stir. I believe in miracles and beating the odds. I am trying so hard every day to have faith that “God will Protect.”  Hopefully it is just a precaution and something she has to tell us,  and they will make it to 25 weeks, 28 weeks, 32 weeks and all the other milestones, but right now, I am just really hoping and praying for 25 weeks when they will have a chance at survival. The 25 week date is March 30. it seems so soon. On a better note the babies looked GREAT.
I am now corresponding with a two other ladies who happen to be going through almost the same experience as me. It is nice to talk to someone who has been through the same thing and truly understands my thoughts and fears.
They have both had  TTTS surgery and both are on bed rest, one is having a few complications. And both are having identical boys same as me. We all three see the same doctor and also had surgery by the same doctor.  I met one of the ladies through mutual friends and one through TTTS hope and connections fb page. They live relatively close. I am hoping our boys can meet someday. 
Generally I am doing fine, everyone is praying for me and the babies and wanting to check in on us and help. But I am most concerned about my husband. He is an amazing husband and has been so strong in handling this, supporting me and the household, but definitely needs prayer and support as much as or more than me. I just lie around all day. I sleep a lot and take a nap every day. He works a physically demanding full time job (10 hr days), and now rather than sharing chores at home, he has to do 100%, all the grocery shopping and cooking, all the cleaning and taking care of the horses. And that is all before he can help me out, so I try to keep my requests for things to a minimum, I know I shouldn't feel guilty but I do. I know he is so tired when he gets home. I miss him SO much during the day, I love hearing the sound of the garage door opening because i know it is him. He melts my heart. 
My gram is the bionic woman I swear, nothing could take her down, not even cancer, surgeries, chemo and radiation. She is a huge prayer warrior and christian. I know if she is praying for me, I will be OK. I probably am not as good about praying because I know she has me covered. While I can pray for a minute, I really think she prays without ceasing. Pretty powerful stuff. So the torch hasn't been passed to me, but I do appreciate my gram and maybe this creates an opportunity for me to learn to develop that way. Besides praying and dealing with her own health issues she has found time to make me a pineapple upside down cake, Coconut Delight, Ham, Salad, Home made chex mix, Home made choc chip cookies. =)
My mom is also helping us..... Cooking a couple nights a week (i loveee my mama's cookin') and cleaning up the house, calling from the grocery store to see if we need a few things, doing laundry, she has been with me everyday for as long as she possibly can. I owe her a lot for coming to my every beckoned call.
My aunt and cousins have also cooked dinner for us one night, brought flowers, and graciously loaned us their expedition for the trip to Houston, I'm not sure how we would have made it in my car, the extra room was much needed.
Today is my last day of strict bed rest, i will go to modified starting tomorrow. There is no telling when or if i will go back on. I will for sure if any issues occur, leaking, bleeding or any abnormal ultrasound, Its like a waiting game with an unknown outcome. I feel like i am walking on a thin sheet of ice. Praying things stay normal. My goal is 34-35 weeks. Right now its 25 weeks. Taking each week as a blessing and an opportunity for the babies to grow and get stronger.
 God chose me for TTTS, Im not sure if was to help someone else or if it was to help myself and draw me closer to him. Only he  knows the reason and the plan. I am just trying to stay strong and believe it is all going to work out. 

A LIFE SAVING TRIP/ 18 WEEKS

Texas Fetal and Hermann Children's Hospital

Did i mention how much i LOVE my doctors and nurses here. 

I could not ask for more.

                                  The Children's hospital where my surgery will take place.

This is Dr. Johnson and Dr. Moise, really funny and down to earth kinda guys.

And here they are in action.

Houston Tx, Stage 3 TTS & Surgery

Well we finally arrived in Houston late yesterday night. After a LONG 8 something hour drive of tossing and turning and back pain like i have never had before. It was dark and rainy when we arrived and of coarse we didn't know our way around, i called 10-12 different hotels trying to get a room and every single one was full....we ended up on "South" Main in Motel 6. Smoky, stinky and just flat gross. The south side explains it well.... I was so tired and exhausted i didn't care. I didn't even eat dinner i was so out of it. 

I have been awake since 4 this morning anxious for my appointment. We got there at 9:30 for my 11:00 appointment. lol. 

After what seemed like forever, they called me back. I got an ultrasound that lasted forever to, 150 pictures total. They seriously even counted fingers and toes. There was also a medical student learning about TTTS and other people popping in and  out interested in TTTS. 

When the doctor came in i was diagnosed with the beginning of stage 3 (which means abnormal blood flow to the donor B), no bladder visible on B and excess fluid in A. I went from stage 1 to stage 3 in 3 days! Our recip (twin A) was up to almost 9cm of fluid also. All of these things combined qualified me for stage 3. 

After the ultrasound we had to meet with the doctor again to go over the risks....he drew them out on a white board for us to mentally grasp. He warned that if we didn't act fast we could lose them both over the next few weeks. Risks included pre term labor, ruptured membranes, separation of the membranes, bleeding, leaking, losing one or both....etc. All of these had their own percentages. However on the other hand there is a 70% chance to save 2 babies and a 90% chance to save 1. The trick is keeping them cooking until 30ish weeks. 

After that i signed paperwork to donate my placenta, amniotic fluid and blood to them once the babies are born so they can continue research and of coarse i want to help in any way i possibly can to make sure something is being done for future moms and babies because this is so overwhelming and emotional to go through. I can say i did my part.

I had to get blood work and a complete physical after that.

My surgery will be a bit more complicated than most, in return i will have to be fully put to sleep, i will have several incisions vs the typical insertion of the scope and laser all in one. This is because my placenta is anterior and the babies cords connect from two different sides of it, so i doesn't leave them very much room to enter like they normally would. They will also drain fluid off of twin A and of coarse laser all of the connecting vessels between A and B. He said there could be 3 or 30 vessels connecting them, sane he won't know until he gets in there. 

The surgery will be at 9am on Friday, we are waiting on one of the surgeons to get here from New Orleans. 

I will be in the hospital for 1-2 days depending on how everything is going and the pain level. 

All i know is that i am terrified! I have never been to the ER, had a broke bone, been put to sleep.....much less SURGERY. I am really nervous! Anything to help the babies though. That is the only thing keeping me and stable is knowing the babies HAVE to have this no matter what. 

At this point we need ALL the prayers we can get. Its all in gods hands now. There is nothing else i can do.

17 Weeks and Houston Texas

Well i will officially be 17 weeks tomorrow. I have been having twice a week fluid checks and ultrasounds from Dr.Stanley.
I have grown to HATE that place, it is like the "office of bad news". Seems like we have been on the downhill slide ever since we started going there.
I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this. The odds of complications, much less twins is slim to nothing. I am a healthy 24 year old, with a healthy lifestyle, a healthy marriage.....WHY ME?
I knew today when he said "lets go in this room and talk", it wasn't going to be good. And it wasn't.
We have been waiting on baby A's fluid to get to 8cm so i can be a candidate for TTTS surgery.
They were 6cm and 1cm at my last visit Tuesday. Today they were 7.22cm and .56cm. He discussed how I'm still borderline for stage 2 TTTS. (even though B is living on nothing)
He also explained how it could possibly be SIUGR (Selective intrauterine growth restriction) where B is living off of a small part of the placenta and is not getting the oxygen/blood/nutrients he needs. And A is growing normal and has the majority of the placenta. Which in that case there is nothing you can do. B will end up with brain damage and in return will cause damage to A since they are connected by blood vessels. The only option is to terminate B. This means they laser his cord and leave him inside. And then A grows normally like a Singleton pregnancy. And the way he put it the decision has to be made quick if this is the case.
He insisted i go ahead and go to my appointment in Houston, TX Wednesday so they can look at it more closely and give me a better idea of whats going on. They deal with this stuff a lot more and have a better idea of which is which and what needs to be done.
Thankfully my mother in law was with me today. I would have been a wreck alone. I'm glad i can count on her. She and Houston's dad will be making the trip with us, I'm glad because we both need the support and Houston will need help driving. We will leave Tuesday and I'm not sure what will happen or how long we will be there. Its so hard dealing with the unknown in this situation.
All i know is we are doing everything in our power to save these babies lives.
Another hard to deal with fact is how on gods green earth can all of these losers have kids, mistreat them, cant afford them, don't take care of them, don't care about them, abort them...you name it. And here me and Houston are, we work hard to have nice things, we have tried to do things right and prepare a nice place to have a family so our kids could have nice things and we get the short end of the stick. I know i shouldn't think like that but at this point its so hard not to.
Its hard to have a pregnancy like this. I have not bought one single thing, i have not been happy one single day. You wake up every morning worrying, all day everyday. Thinking about all the options 24/7. I lay in bed at night with my mind racing. I don't even want to tell people I'm having twins now, i don't want to be asked about my pregnancy and i don't know what i am going to do if i lose one and get questioned about it. I am really not sure how much more i can handle.
Thoughts on all of this is:
-How can you terminate B and leave him in there and have to see him at all of the ultrasounds and know he is not alive in there?........It would break my heart.
-Can they tell if there is damage to B already?
-Is the laser surgery for TTTS more risky for A than the Cord coagulation for SIUGR?
-I need more facts, recommendations, to be guided in the right direction.....
Here is a video on all of it if you are interested in watching.

(http://web.texaschildrens.org/multimedia/video/ttts/index.html)


Jeremiah 17:7-8
But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."